They sound bad, don’t they? Oh he/she has attachment issues… Or even admitting ‘I have attachment issues’ sounds just as bad. But are they that bad, not really no. They can be mis-interpretated wrongly or acted wrongly but no they are not bad.
Attachment issues are when an individual becomes attached insecurely to a person or object with the fear that this person or object will leave and not return. Each person embraces attachment issues uniquely, what one may experience will be different to another. Sometimes attachment issues can link in with other conditions such as fixation traits, this is where not only are they in fear that a person / object will leave they can then become fixated on said person / object.
Attachment issues are a trauma response.
Many people suffer with attachment issues, I myself have to embrace this mental health condition. There are many factors that encourage a person to endure attachment issues, these can stem from childhood separation from parents or care givers, or they can develop at any stage in a person’s life from lengthy hospitalization, incidents of trauma, instances of neglect, or an otherwise troubled childhood. These issues may have an effect on a child’s ability to form healthy, secure attachments later in life.
The mind creates its safe areas, if a child is neglected by parents / care givers they are not then able to form their first stable relationship, this in turn for later life creates an either a need to be attached or a need to not be attached.
An attachment disorder is a type of mood or behavioural disorder that affects a person’s ability to form and maintain relationships. These disorders typically develop in childhood. They can result when a child is unable to have a consistent emotional connection with a parent or primary caregiver. (Timothy J.Legg 2020).
Some of the signs of attachment issues are –
You need reassurance often from your loved ones that they care about you. Maintaining relationships can be difficult sometimes for someone struggling with attachment issues, as they may need constant reassurance believing they aren’t cared about.
Worrying about relationships is a constant. Relationship anxieties can be a huge hurdle for anyone with attachment issues, even if there has been no sign that a person would leave, it is still perceived that they will. It can make self-esteem low believing that you are not worthy or good enough for the relationship, even when you are.
You react strongly to perceived criticism; Fear of abandonment is a huge factor when receiving criticism as attachment issues can make a person believe that after criticism comes a departure of some form.
You don’t like to depend on others. You may feel like if you ask for something you will either be rejected or let down, so it may feel easier for you to be independent. In most cases this is not the case, reach out.
You pull away when someone starts to get close to you. You may feel it is a temporary engagement, or due to past trauma you may be in fear of the past repeating itself, so before feelings arise it is easier to end the relationship.
It is not easy trying to maintain and manage attachment issues, first you have to recognise that you do have attachment issues and then you have to recognise when these issues are becoming unhealthy, any mental health condition is manageable.
Providing there are no external factors enhancing these already secure mental health conditions, meaning that any negative influences need removing, so if someone is encouraging you to be attached but then actioning you with unattachment, in order to progress this needs to be removed.
There is a reason that I have wrote this blog, due to the fact that attachment issues are surrounding me at the moment, and I am seeing them in different capacities, personally and professionally, I have people attached to me and I am / have been attached to people.
People attach to me and the rest of the team in a professional capacity, I endure many who need my / our support, and this is okay as it builds foundation that I / we are secure and are not going anywhere because we will always support suicide prevention. We created this persistence to be able to build trust, form bonds and create security.
But when a person is enduring a mental health condition sometimes there can be behaviours present that need not be present, for example someone may over enhance what has happened just to grasp the support, or they may alienate the truth so that they grasp deeper support, so fabricate the truth basically.
Or they may need constant reassurance that we are not going to leave, or they try to leave our support in fear that we will leave them first…
This can be difficult to comprehend as we are extremely transparent and available every day to anyone, you do not need to be enduring hardship to engage in support 😊. But it does happen often, as a resolution to these behaviours we remain persistent, so over time these behaviours do decrease.
Recognising behaviours is your pathway to healing your behaviours, and at the end of the day it is okay if people leave as new people will come;
And personally, how this affects me… I have never been able to maintain / store a healthy relationship due to attachment issues and I have never understood this until recently, I love being in love, but love doesn’t love being in love with me.
I hold a fear of being left which in turn has previously made me either not attach or attach so chaotically, quickly and deeply, but the more you hold this lack of confidence the more it is there, you have to let it flow ✌️, what you need to feel is that you are okay if people leave, and you are okay if people stay;
Peace out, hope this helps – questions always welcome
#attachmenttheory #attachmentissues #mentalhealthconditions #psychologystudent