I have never crossed paths with the term before, I have never looked into who or what this may be, until it was put forward to me by a support worker,
‘you should look into the wounded healer, I think you could relate to it’.
I have not yet found the memoirs of this being (I am doing though), I just felt it align on me straight away, am i one of these ‘wounded healers’?.
Wounder healers are individuals who have been within many traumatic grounds with no external support other than their selves, by being here in solitude individuals develop traits of inner healing. Being emotionally neglected and having to do this process as a child, enables the development of traits for longing for nurturing because they aren’t receiving it their selves, so instead of being nurtured by others they nurture others to replicate this desire. Being a wounded healer is the ability to take any trauma and turn it into healing for others. Many therapists and public figures are wounded healers such as Mother Theresa who struggled with darkness and doubt, St Thomas More who struggled with depression and fear, but all used their “negative” traits to heal others. They took this pain and turned it into opportunity;
I feel we all have a purpose in life, and each of our purposes are so different to one another, it does not matter what anyone looks like, if they look happy or not, people show what they want people to see, it’s a mask that is worn by many. But my purpose is to help others out of the darkness, and here is how this happened…
From a young age we acknowledged that we were to look after ourselves, me and my twin were the youngest and then we had our older brother, no father figures for any of us, and a ‘functioning’ alcoholic as a mother. If anyone has experienced having an alcoholic parent, you will understand how this desire comes first and the chaos that comes with an alcoholics life. I can’t go into much detail, just know that I am who I am today because of it all, and you know what i understand how people can become and latch onto the illness, its not a quick choice, its progressive and grows and has the same effect on everybody, see other posts such as this from Psych central – The effects of an alcoholic parent
My first initial step to becoming who I am today was my brothers, how my older brother would coach me often and how I would then ensure that my twin was looked after too. If I am completely honest I don’t remember having any support emotionally from anyone other than these two (unsettled boys trying their best too) but we managed and maintained it the best we could, which I am extremely lucky for. I often think about how life could be if any of them was to not ever be there, they both played a huge part in who I am today.
My eldest brother was my father figure and my inspiration through life and still continues holding this for me, if you met him and me you would see how he has filtered onto me, and for this i am so lucky, i genuinely believe i have the best big brother in the whole world, and thats mainly because now i am older i see what he did, and how he had to grow up so quick;
My twin was very neglected and confused as a child which caused him to have aggressive behaviours, because this was so heightened anyone who looked in on us as a family, looked straight in on him to settle this, not the fact that our mum was never around, that we were malnourished, emotionally neglected and that we were visually and physically exposed to things we shouldn’t of been, they didn’t see me, timid and shy, nor my older brother and how he was moving in and out, now a days if this was happening now, we would have been placed in care… I do ask them both on their points of view of life, they are very different but similar,
Within male and females, the dynamics of how the mind handle things are different, the stress we were all exposed to as kids affected us differently, my eldest left, my twin became misunderstood and attempted suicide at his youngest age 7 and this continued, I tried to be there for him, to help heal him and I healed when I went into solitude, but little did I know that being there for him was the start of me and it kept me distracted and kept me within healing grounds, maybe it is because I was depressed but I was not as bad as him, and losing him would of and would still break my whole being, I had to be there for him ..
I spent my life in my room, I would eat in my room, play in my room, I would hide in my room, I created my own habits of comfort here, one was where id wrap my fingers within the covers, it turned my fingertips purple, I know now this was me holding my own hand, I sewed my clothes when they got holes in, in my room and glued my shoes together here too, i was in my bubble here. I experienced guardian angels as a child, this kept me warm too, and I grabbed myself some really solid friends, some that I will keep forever;
Being a child within stress causes the release of stress receptors, continuous release of these reduces serotonin and dopamine, which causes depression, life was very unbalanced in so many parts and i spent alot of time hating it, but I had my room, my brothers and my friends, and then life caught up and I took my first overdose in my room at age 17, three suicide attempts in total over the years, not known how many suicidal thoughts have occupied me, much stress was released again over the years, adding to already depressive traits
From then on, I became independent, moving around anywhere and everywhere, I stabilised a little bit when I had my son, but then i got severely ill with pancreatitis, this was a huge hit and changed my life completely, I had to learn to walk again as my body was in a coma, I had a blood transfusion and a huge operation it was a long journey of healing. I healed alone;
Having no parental stability is quite traumatising on the mind, through every stage of life, you watch others with their families, you hear how they have it so bad but yet its not at all, you envy others for this relationship. And then it creates an unhealthy foundation for others to step onto when it comes to relationships, its been either way for me over the years, I have clung onto people and I have quietly watched people go, but slowly and surely it has only clarified to me more so that no one is stable, or they weren’t meant to be in my life anyway and it has made it difficult for me to remain stable amongst these. I healed alone through all of my heartache
And then I had a first-hand suicide loss, this took a huge hit on me – the biggest hit I have ever experienced the days that were taunted by this were immeasurable and I experienced things within mental health that I had never experienced before, but within this darkness is where my childhood trait came unknowingly back alight – my life taught purpose was back building under my feet, by me. I had no support after Bryan did that, I led awake for 162 nights with the image in my head, I will never forget it, its ingrained in my mind now. I had no support, so I had to heal alone. The only way I could heal was by reading quotes and sharing them for other people to heal too, to heal with me, to unknowingly get on this journey of healing with me and thus formed SAPUK, a huge platform for me to heal others, for other wounded healers to also heal others.
My depression has silently eaten away at me for the last 30 years, continuous life trauma, homelessness, financial pressure, single mum, house fire, cheated on, manipulated, used, within the hands of narcissists, I have been bullied, mentally abused, lied to, stolen off and so much more; It’s been very dark for me through most of my life and I didn’t know that being so deflated and sad all the time was the cause of long term depression, with adhd traits too it’s been tough but I have had my lights over the years. My light has been that i have always gravitated to children, for every chapter of my life there has been a child there usually under the age of 3 and ive been a key part to their early years, and in every season their has always been the distraction of someone else who needs healing, in turn this has kept me within a healing nature, so I carried on naturally healing others, but this was always slightly healing me
And you know what, I’ll always be humble and grateful for the people I have had in my life that have positively impacted me, even though I have hated my life and what it’s been about so far and there have been many times when the angels have called me, and I know exactly where I came from I’ll never forget it but I see clear now, I see how what happened affected me and why I have formed into who I am today, why I had to go through all that I went through again and again, I have experienced so many different angles of life trauma and mental health, but this has only equipped me with the most life experience to be able to help others,
But for me, my personal journey, reaching out and understanding has been the biggest light of all, i only learnt i had adhd last year by a support worker and then i only learnt this month that i have long term depression by another, then came the learning of the wounded healer, its only when someone else looks in that you can see the clearest versions of yourself;
But for now and forever I will continue my life with depression and its good and bad days, ill continue healing others and ill continue helping them to understand their darker parts because it is who I am and who I always be, because I am a wounded healer;
All my love