This is, you.
Hey, has anyone ever felt like an alien?
Like you do not fit in, or you are struggling to have a sense of belonging.
I have had an experience that has helped me to adjust and understand and I obviously want to share this with you 😊
I have long term depression, adhd, mild dyslexia and now maybe slight autism, it’s a concoction that has made life really challenging and difficult for me, I have never felt as though I have fit in – so let’s have a discussion about this – podcast released soon on this topic too <3
So, depression itself is a hefty behaviour to live with – you do not get to decide how you wake up with this illness – if it is from childhood, it will be more alienating for you as you have been within a certain brain capacity for a long while. I was a depressed child, to then living my life within depression but without even realising, I have deep rooted behaviours from depression that I have spent my whole life covering up ☹, I covered up because along side with my depression was other neurological disorders and over the years of growing up I was often labelled as weird – so I began masking
Masking is where an individual will become another person when out of their comfort zone – a lot of people do not even realise they are within a masking phase as they juggle personalities ☹ – being here is really tough but understanding is healing <3
How did I personality swap – my general atmosphere is solitude and isolation as a child I spent a lot of time alone in my room so I am generally within this comfort zone for myself – here I am flat mooded and generally either with numb feelings or with sadness, I hold little to no excitement for most things in life and I am here on this earth for my son and animals. I spend much of my time supporting people as this helps me to escape what I hate so much about this world – a lack of compassion and genuine love
My masked personality, I bounce around, smiling always and being silly, I am still very supportive / When I was masking I would often have to escape the positionings I was in to cry in the toilet. It became very exhausting to the point that I would become off-grid for a while, phone turned off,
I have since accepted my depression and accepted that it is part of my personality – knowing and understanding the source (from childhood and adulthood) has allowed me to be within peace and tranquillity – I have no expectations of myself and if I am to be within a depressive episode I know that this too will pass as they always do
See I find myself within a depressive episode often and it started to become difficult to even be present but then we can kind of link in Winnie the Poo and Eeyore and here in this story although Eeyore was within depression he still participated in life, here he would experience the ‘glimmers’ of life
Many people with chronic depression may not get better from this – when within communications with individuals who have chronic depression, they have also found that they too have been unable to escape it – I am not saying this is the case for everyone, but I hope it lifts some pressure if you are ‘battling’ depression –
- ‘Battling depression’ does not make sense, we are not fighting against it – we do not mentally place ourselves on a battlefield and tackle the darkest blue, its not you vs depression, it is you and depression.
Depression is from our past experiences, some of our experiences are trauma based, meaning that when an individual experienced them they were left with negative feelings and or behaviours. Depression we must align ourselves within, so – “I am sorry this happened to you but you are safe now 😊 “ – to look at our past experiences and (I am sorry) accept them for what they were, accept that you had no choice, accept that you were a child and children don’t capacitate well when placed fear, accept that adults don’t capacitate well when placed within fear, accept that it is okay to make the wrong choices, accept that you are okay now as you are. With this movement you will stand in front of your depression and be awakened to what is you, whether it is you for a long time or you in this moment – depression is a part of you. Now move forward with this;
It is time to show up,
All my love <3
If anyone needs any support please SAPUK – www.suicideapuk.co.uk