A timeline, updated regularly <3 Abbie Jade Turner – 25.11.93 – 23.07.26
Even writing the date in here gives me goosebumps because it still doesn’t feel actually real, how has time gone so fast. As of now i am four months on my healing journey of grief, as are many people who love her. People experience grief differently and losing someone so close to you is never an easy journey. Everyone heals differently but the message is the same, please take your time in healing it comes in waves and in so many different ways. We can experience, sadness, anger, frustration, confusion and so many more different emotions. Just please take your time and look after yourself.
Trigger warning as this is a diary produced article <3
All the love is in the pages <3
When losing someone it is noted that you may experience the ‘five stages of grief’ – these are different emotions and can come in any order, it generally starts with denial or shock, then bargaining, anger, depression and finally acceptance, for more please follow the link above.
Navigating grief
- 23rd July 2026. We lost her at 19.00pm. Abigail, I love you forever. My heart is so sore, and I know it forever will be; I have lost one of my main people, now I don’t have many left.
I have lost before, I have stared death in the face, and I have had to bargain with death in its last moments for more time. I have seen men and the end of their chosen fates, I have seen someone take their last breath, but nothing on this earth prepared me for losing my life sister.
Losing you has been one of my hardest journeys i will never forgive for you being taken like that.
I feel broken, i can’t function and you are the only place i need right now. I can’t eat, i can’t do anything i have frozen in time. I am glad it has rained so much because selfishly how can the word still continue when everything has broken so much.
Navigating grief
- 23rd August 2026, brain fog for the full month, I genuinely can’t remember what happened here.
I am struggling on starting this, I am struggling writing this too. Since losing someone I have had little motivations, my mind has become a fraction of what it was. I have no energy, I don’t want to do anything, and I don’t want to give out anymore. I can’t even write properly without zoning out 🙁
I lost, i feel lost and I am never going to gain that part of me back again, it hurts every day. I am trying though, I try and push out where I can, I try to be motivated, I try to go out but then I am always sent back to where I was.
There were moments I felt like I couldn’t do what I was meant to be doing, so I had to stop. I closed all my monthly groups and I stopped writing. I am slowly coming back too but it isn’t easy to navigate. It is why I wanted to journal about it, to help others know that you will be okay. It hurts so much but i see her everywhere and i feel her all around me.
Navigating grief
- 23rd August 2026. Two months and it has not got easier, what happened? Why were we given hope if there never was any. She was failed.
I miss her so much, I miss talking to her, I miss seeing her, I miss her smile, I miss her freckles. I am so glad I still get to see mummy in the kids they reflect her a lot.
When will I stop feeling this hole? Does it go on forever?
I am starting to feel a bit better, but I feel guilty for being happy, I feel like this because you aren’t here, you have no happiness, you have no sadness, but I feel you all around me every day.
Breaking down at the moment, its al hit me the reality of it. But then i still don’t believe it, this is to confusing. I am sleeping alot.
Navigating grief
- 23rd September 2026, it’s been three months and I still feel the same. I still am not motivated, and I can’t bring myself to socialise properly. I feel like I am failing in a lot of areas, but I also know that I have lost greatly so I need time.
How do you not pine for someone that has been such a huge part of your life? Someone I adopted so young as mine, she was my little sister, she is my little sister. We grew up together, we had each other’s back, she was there for me, and I was there for her, whenever we needed. Within the minutes if one called, we were there ☹.
I have still not come too, I just don’t feel like it. I feel like a part of me is missing, I still have not re-opened my groups and I have cancelled many things, time is my healer but 25 years of you will not disappear in a few months, I know this. I love you and I miss you so much, it pauses me, it makes me have to sit down. I get a relapse, oh wow that did really happen. How, when and why? Cancer sucks. 32 years of you was never enough. Till the stars meet the ocean.
Navigating grief
- 23rd October 2026. Feels a little easier but I will never forget or forgive. I still feel like we were lied too, they never told us the full truth. We still have options they continuously said, then within two weeks it all went quiet and we lost her.
Still don’t feel okay but socialising a bit more and looking at re-opening the groups 2027. I still feel like I need more time, I have been attending some days out and have started to feel a little happier, but I am always bounced back to you, it’s because I fee you everywhere. Weirdly A Turner gardening services popped up on my road, thankyou for this. And every time I have the kids you make the sky glow for us, thankyou for this. You kept me safe when I didn’t feel safe, thankyou for this. You remind me of how much you fought, thankyou for this. You broke me by leaving but you left me with so much love, I am grateful for you, thank you for this. For every word of encouragement, every cuddle, every laugh, for letting me do your hair, for letting me be present, for always believing in me, thank you for this.
It doesn’t get easier but as time goes on, I remember how much you loved me, and how much I loved you, thank you for this.
I see you <3