First of all, you are magic
National Single Parent Day is celebrated on March 21 each year to honour and appreciate the hard work and dedication of single parents. It recognizes the unique challenges they face while raising children on their own.
History
The day was established in 1984 when President Ronald Reagan signed a proclamation to recognize single parents as heroes deserving respect and admiration. Since then, it has become a time to appreciate their resilience and commitment.
Today is relevant for me and many people I know, I see some of the most inspirational people and then come to the knowledge that they are a single parent, its phenomenal the determination these individuals have. They must raise their kids whilst they are also growing themselves. From experience externally and internally it is not easy and for me it caused severe hidden depression which became a huge part of my life.
My experience as a single parent has been hard in parts because raising kids takes a lot of energy, I am fortunate or unfortunate to have just one child, so it has always been me and Luca. We have grown together over the years because I had him at a young age of 21 years old.
My views of him are that he was sent from god to anchor me.
As a parent there is a duty that you have to withhold and that is to protect, nurture and provide for your children. That includes household duties to maintain home stability, preparing food several times per day, taking them to and from places, providing clothing and necessary items. It is a daily job and if you don’t have any breathing space and are a full-time single parent with no support it can be even harder.
There are many pressures when being a parent, but being a single parent, means that you have a sole duty of care and you can’t split the duties between another person.
Providing every day can be hard especially if you are not well physically or mentally. None the less we carry on and get through each difficult moment. Please engage with support if you are struggling.
There is also subconscious / conscious pressure of not feeling good enough. This generally comes when comparing yourself to other people, remember you are doing the best you are able to and this is your journey not theirs. Nobody pays your bills but you.
As people we must give energy outwards, we do this in a number of ways such as kind gestures, motivational encouragement, providing for others and via many means of communication, but as people we must also receive energy in order to give out energy.
If you have no one giving energy to you then you have to give energy to yourself, but if you are giving energy to your children then you can’t have much energy left for yourself?!
Now our physiology and we can go into it a little bit – our spirituality, is all energy, we are made up of different matters of energy that articulate in different ways to make us who we are. Now if you look at this as a bank of energy, and its on 100%. As you give out this number decreases, generally in a two-person household the energy is poured back in with the same as what is given out, by kind gestures, sharing household duties, sharing the child’s needs while the other takes time to nurture themselves. But if you are giving out and no one is giving back in you can slowly move into an uneeded depressive state.
You become more tired for duties, you then start to feel not good enough to be a parent. You have a lower household income so you might not be able to do what other families are doing so you end up staying inside. Then the loop begins and depression can take over.
It can be really hard if you have little or no support.
But, you have absolutely got this, because aside from everything else going on in life, you have a beautiful happy child that you get to wake up to everyday. I know that some days are really difficult and some days you question whether being a parent is for you :’), but you get to have that little version of you and some people are really missing or striving for this part in their lives.
And if you look at it from an energy bank point of view, it is not your fault!
I began my single parenting journey 11 years ago, when Luca was 18months old, I co-parented with his dad and I then was in a relationship, so duties became shared again. Then in 2020 I became pretty much a full single parent. I have experienced both sides of parenting, co-parenting and single parenting and parenting is a lot easier when you have someone who is sharing this with you.
During my journey I have experienced many different versions of myself, but one I always kept for Luca was never depression, I smiled for him – he reminded me so often why I was here. So, aside from trauma, I began studying and got my degree, and I, with the help of others built an organisation that supports thousands of people online & offline. Today, of all days we publicly announce that we are placing our charity documents in, we have worked so hard (some are single parents too), and we are submitting with 20 supporting documents. We have been very patient with our CIC, but we wanted to get it right. Accessing charity status means that funds will be easier for us to stabilise which is something we have never focused on, there have been months where I have had to pay the organisational costs and that has meant little food for us, but we persisted through.
Being a parent gives you motivation and it gives you a reason for life.
Being a single parent gives you independence and courage.
Thankyou Luca you are the brightest light in my whole world.
Over the years and like many others I have had little support, there have been times when I have had support and then times when I have had none, but none the less for the most of my parenting journey when I have not had Luca, I have always gone home alone. Luca has had support and I have had my breaks but mentally I hadn’t. I was exhausted from trauma, and balancing a hectic life, so I isolated myself when Luca wasn’t here. This resulted in me again not feeling good enough, but I pushed through my ideations, and I never made it to my once departure date. February 2024.
Now, this has been the hardest part because even when I have been child-free I have still had to open my door and sit in silence, but there has been beauty in this too because within the most loneliest parts of my life I have understood exactly what I want from this life and exactly who I am, I have strong boundaries and I am at the most peace I have ever been in my whole entire life, and that for me is the most beautiful thing I could of ever asked for. I persisted through single-parenting and now Luca is grown up I have my somewhat freedom back and for that I am eternally grateful for all my previous experiences.
Being a single parent is not easy, and it is not everyone’s path, but for those of us who are, for those of us who have struggled to the point of feeling like their lack of existence would be the best option for their child, I see you and I feel you.
You are not what your thoughts say you are. You are a superhero, and you should be so proud for holding it together over the years.
If you are struggling, please focus on positive affirmations, words of encourage that enhance your stability with being a parent. ‘My child is cared for’, ‘my child is fed’, ‘my child has a home’, if your child represents neurological difficulties which makes parenting more difficult, please ensure you seek help during your journey.
You can do this by contacting your doctor or seeking out a specialist coach.
Please also remember not everyone’s journey is the same, but always keep being authentically you <3