New vs You
It can be hard to accept new versions of yourself, but new versions of you happen all the time. As life un-periodically unfolds you have a choice to make, accept you as you are today, or don’t accept it, it is new vs you.
Psychologically it is said that we change our morals every ten years, and that every hour we spend in our own company we understand more of we are.
Take away the daily chores and hectic life and there you are as bare and natural as you ever were. But who are you now?
Often, we can mourn previous versions of ourselves, ones that seem less pressured, more carefree and fuller with life & love. But the reality is that, this is not you anymore, it is always going to be huge part of you though.
Craving the old version of your life can be linked to nostalgia, which is a sentimental longing for the past that often brings feelings of happiness and comfort. These emotional responses can serve as a way to cope with current changes or challenges, helping to restore a sense of continuity and stability in your life. A reminder of who you once were can be seen as a reminder that you were once in a different position, it’s our brains way of trying to heal. By strengthening the memory of when you were happier, reminding you it is possible.
On the latter side of nostalgia, it can also bring individual’s unwanted stress, sometimes memories are not needed to be re-surfaced, but they are anyway. Although I would see this is a reminder of how far you have come. You are safe now;
Also strengthening that it is okay to be sad from the past, but don’t let it hold you down. You can be sad for as long as you need to be, but at some point you need to get up with this new version of yourself, it is the only way you will move forward. It is okay to not be okay, and please don’t hide away, the right people will accept you as you are x
Understanding Cravings for the Past
Craving the old version of your life is often tied to the concept of nostalgia. This emotional response involves a sentimental longing for the past, which can evoke feelings of happiness and comfort.
The Role of Nostalgia
Nostalgia serves several psychological functions:
- Coping Mechanism: It helps individuals deal with current changes or challenges by providing a sense of continuity.
- Mood Enhancement: Nostalgic memories can improve mood and increase feelings of social connectedness.
- Existential Meaning: Reflecting on positive past experiences can enhance self-regard and provide a sense of purpose.
Triggers of Nostalgia
Certain factors can trigger nostalgic feelings:
- Cultural Influences: Music, movies, and books from the past can evoke memories and emotions.
- Personal Associations: Significant life events, people, or places often serve as powerful reminders of earlier times.
Benefits of Nostalgia
Engaging with nostalgic memories can lead to:
- Improved Mood: Nostalgia can uplift spirits during difficult times.
- Social Connection: Sharing nostalgic experiences can strengthen bonds with others.
- Positive Self-Reflection: It allows individuals to view their past more favourably, which can counteract negative feelings about the present.
In more depth, when we are secure in a relationship or secure in a career or secure in a part of someone’s or somethings life, we begin to be our natural selves. If this is then lost, we can mourn this part of ourselves. The truth is we are not mourning the objects or the people; we are mourning ourselves.
I will bring it to past love, as this is the easiest route to explain this thoroughly. Let’s say many years ago you were intensely in love with someone, the version of yourself you once were is here too, full of love. You remember how you feel, and who you were back then.
To clarify it was real, but it no longer serves you now, it is a distant memory that grows further away each day. But let’s say you are still caught up there in that past life.
You are okay to be there, mourning the past is a natural human phenomenon especially if something held meaning in your life. But let’s validate who you were back then too. It can be stressful mourning past versions of yourself; we can crave for them back. But what we think we crave for, the lost love, the connection we believe is there is not actually true. We crave for the safety of it, the truth that we can be stable and passionate, that we can be valuable or loved and loving. It is not the place, the object nor the person but it is you and it is what you created and what you felt back then.
For example, if you once had love but then it never peaked you again, you may then mourn for the past life. It is not person / place / career dependant; it is you dependant. It is what you give out and receive, and this can be activated at any given moment, by you.
Grieving lost love is hard because it is ambiguous. But in reality you are not really sure what you are longing for, what I do know is what you long for doesn’t exist anymore. But if you mentally change the person / place / career but keep the feeling, you see that it is in you, always has been and always will be.
Craving old lifestyles is normal especially if you were a happier version of yourself back then, again you are craving the safety and structure, but you created it back then you can upmost create it again. Believe in you.
Why do we have to accept new versions of ourselves?
Life can be incredibly deep sometimes, meaning that it can be difficult. Trauma and pain change our anatomy’s; we can learn that the world is not safe sometimes in the cruellest ways. Over time this can change moods and cause individuals to not be as ‘bright’ as they used to be.
Acceptance is key, you have survived and that is all you need to remember, whatever tried to break you never did, but the person you are today is who you are left with.
You care more, you are on alert, you are guarded, your boundaries are tight, you have happiness, but you might still crave a past version of yourself.
Please remember this is normal and is experienced by many individuals, ‘what if’ circulates, altera universes become a screenplay. But you can use this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you need in the upcoming years.
Whatever you are craving will not come from a past life, you have to make your own decisions on how to better yourself every day and this starts with acceptance.
Accepting that the past is what broke you but it is what will heal you also, you are who you are today, and this is the new version of you, even if that version of you doesn’t glow as much as before, if you accept it then you have a foundation to build on. Refusing it and craving your past lifestyle could have you paused on things that are not for you.
Acceptance that you survived.
Acceptance that you healed.
Acceptance that something almost broke you, but it never did.
Acceptance that you are beautiful with or without your smile.
Acceptance that no matter what you can still show up.
Acceptance that it has been a long journey with mental health, but you are ready to move on.
Acceptance that you are you.
Furthermore, craving the old version of your life is a natural psychological response that can provide comfort and stability amidst life’s changes.
It is only a short trip; make sure you enjoy it. Forget about the past and keep evolving into new versions of yourself.
If anyone needs anything my messages are open at hey@danisace.com
Dan x