It’s not me, it’s you
Have you heard of the saying, ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ Generally this is a means of escape for someone for several validated reasons, often it is used when people are breaking up to soften the blow. It helps individuals understand that they are not an issue or a negative in a relationship but the other person just feels like they cant meet their needs at this moment. The person saying these words is taking responsibility that they cannot give you what you need right now. It might be hurting them to hurt you. Generally you may feel like this is a hard thing to understand but in the long term it takes a lot of respect for a person to understand their own behaviors, the effects they have to then protect someone else from enduring these. If someone can’t meet your needs then they have to go, and sooner rather than later. No matter the circumstance.
The longer you stay somewhere that is not for you the more detrimental it will be on you. You can end up hurting yourself in the long-run trying to understand why something or someone is failing to meet your needs. It is a long rabbit hole with no clear answers, only a headache, a mind and a body left feeling deficient.
No one uses the term, ‘it’s not me, it’s you’ and I think this is more valid than anything right now.
Normalise leaving situations where you don’t feel valued.
Normalise leaving people where they are at.
Normalise leaving rude people.
It’s not me, it’s you.
Over my thirty years of existence I have distanced myself from many people that I used to know. The energy just felt off so in turn it failed to meet my needs. I also believe life is seasonal and not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever, some people also only stick around for a season. This is okay, they say we meet everyone for a reason, to teach us or to love us.
When enduring mental health to the point where you don’t want to exist anymore it really gives you an insight into what really matters the most. How people only care about whether you show up rather than whether you are okay. How people judge what you are going through rather than understanding. How people look down on you when they haven’t a clue what it took for you to get where you are. I have experienced many different angles of this and still to this date I will experience this. If my energy is only temporary with you, I can tell you why.
I do not have the time nor energy to gift freely anymore. For several valid reasons.
Volunteering for almost ten years, I am super proud of this but many look down on me like I don’t know what I am doing. We also have 123 volunteers with around 50% volunteering for a minimum of one year, but still people look at me like I don’t know what I am doing. We have built an organisation from the top to the bottom, but still people look at me like I don’t know what I am doing. We have grown rapidly and continue growing with no funding, investments or grants, but yet still I don’t know what I am doing. I and then we, have saved thousands of people and still to this day actively save many people, but yet people still look at me like I don’t know what I am doing. I have lived, experience of over thirty years with suicidal thoughts / actions but yet still people look at me like I don’t know what I am doing.
It’s not me, it’s you.
It is the way I look, I do not fit in. But what on earth makes you think I want to fit in within this society, I am different and I have always known this. I have had little support and yet still I have never changed to try and fit in and I never want to be like most of the people in the industry I am within, individually gaining and money focused.
Having a unique look or style, where people often take a second look, has made it extremely difficult for me to advance without pressure over the years, I have experienced so many gate keepers, although it makes me laugh now, you do you. I have experienced one sided competition, I have had friends belittling me, I have had people use me for their own validation. It is harder to be pretty-privileged and have a good successful head. Psychology supports this, you can not be pretty and a founder without added societal pressures, people do not like this. People dislike successful people already but how dare you be good looking too.
People don’t like successful people because, you escaped the status quo, you pursued your dreams, you worked harder, you took chances and went for opportunities. You saw an idea and ran with it. Your peers won’t like this especially if they never took any opportunities. But if like me you came from nothing with no support and still grew, there will be a heightened chance your childhood friends and even family will not be around to support you. They will not like your posts or support your business, and more often than not they might not speak kindly of you to their peers. And this is okay because other people come forward, leave them where they are at, keep going and keep growing, if this happens to you then please understand that you are onto something good.
If you experience someone talking unkindly about another person for no reason then I would place the spotlight on them, because why are you being negative?. You don’t speak unkindly of others when your soul is in check. I would also expect this person to furthermore speak unkindly of others in and out of your presence, including yourself and would be wary of this person and how they speak going forward.
In a world where you can be anything, be kind. It is really not that difficult.
If you need any support as a founder or CEO or business owner, drop me an email hey@danisace.com. Our team at SAP;UK is well looked after so now I am free to support you.
It’s not me it’s you.
Have you ever had a really good idea and then felt distinguished because of the lack of support, but then watched someone else do exactly the same thing and they get to much support. SAME.
It is a really good idea, but it is not a good idea because you are doing it, but if someone else did it then it would be a really good idea.
This is the craziest movement I have ever witnessed / experienced and not something I would wish on anyone, the amount of internal strength I had to use to coach myself into feeling good enough was surreal. People made me feel not good enough, if it wasn’t for the SAP;UK team;
For years now I have lifted groups, for free and in my own time when I am a single parent and have no spare money, I have paid for others on large scales, and have a long-term complex health condition. Then I watch others do exactly the same thing and on their first endeavor have more support than I have had in the years of giving out. There was a time when it made me bitter and selfish, but it brought me the strongest boundaries of toleration. I will not tolerate anyone nor anything that does not bring me peace and I am now truly grateful for this. I am the happiest version I have ever been.
I became numb to people because of other people and I am okay with that, you have to develop a thick skin in this world especially when you are blessed with opportunities or gifts. The ones who are meant to find you will always find you and the ones who were meant to leave you, will always leave you. Please don’t take anything personally when you are independently growing, you will see a whole lot of ugly that you can try and make beautiful but the truth is you never can.
If someone leaves you on read, it is rude because why are you even opening a message if you can’t reply. This one makes me laugh though cause I always imagine myself in a real life conversation with them and they just go mute and walk away. It also reminds me that I don’t even want a person like that in my space.
If someone speaks badly of you to others or assumes something about you without factual information, acknowledge their behaviours from a distance and never speak with them again.
If someone doesn’t support you or tries to deter you from something that is their problem and not yours, don’t ever let anyone speak you down from anything you are passionate about.
If someone can’t match your values then they were never intending on respecting you, next.
If someone constantly causes drama in your life, they know what they are doing, move on.
If someone always disregards you from plans they were never intending on being a friend.
If you create a boundary and its not respected it was never intended on being respected.
If someone’s actions doesn’t match their words or you find someone lying, this will be a recurrent thing and you are better off closing the door before it gets worse.
As individuals we have a shared connection and that is being human, we all are born with nothing and leave with nothing. Money also does not make you rich, it’s the people around you that make you rich, the ones you laugh with, the ones you create lasting memories with. You could be anywhere in the world with all the amounts of money, but if you don’t have connection you will never find happiness. I would sit in a box in the rain with the people I love and have the happiest of times. What do you remember feeling more, laughing with your best friend or a pay cheque?
For years I have navigated hardship alone, but for years I have rested and regained energy becoming a newer version of myself, growing and expanding my mind, learning from solitude and pain, growing under pressures and it is all because of you lot. I now know what I need or what from this life and I am extremely confident I will get everything I deserve.
I have been shown, no matter how kind you are or how much you give out, people who you think will be there for you, never in a million years would be, but it’s not because of you, it was always them.
The reality is that life can be over at any moment, do you want to be remembered as the one who was not supportive or the one who built everyone up around them. I know which I would rather be. One grows we all grow;
We must love, respect and look out for each other, especially if you have good people around you as this is very rare.
Thank you for reading.
It’s not me, it’s you
##itsnotme #writer