Don’t look back in anger
I wasn’t really sure on what topic to write about today. I feel as though I have scoured many topics, but then that’s never really true as everything translates into psychology in some way. Even a chair can be dipped into psychologically (cs).
So, I started pondering for around two minutes on a topic, thinking about my past and how I have healed c-PTSD and how I have regulated many other negative emotions (wrote about most of these though). Then it came to me that I don’t look back in anger, so I wanted to write about it. It is something I never experienced long term, I have been angry / frustrated in the moment but then it never lasted too long it always developed to sadness. I never like to experience anger I always feel it is a pointless emotion for me and serves no justice, I like to remain peaceful or vacant.
Then it clicked in again, I have never really been angry about my past, this emotion hasn’t really surfaced on my palette, instead I tend to get sad and appear angry / frustrated. I wondered if this had been a part in my healing journey. So, I wanted to investigate it – firstly I will tell my experiences.
It took me around thirty years in total to heal from my different traumas, this is because my trauma was mostly physically impaired, I saw and endured a lot in such a short space of time and I couldn’t process it properly, so I had to move 100 miles away in order to remove myself from what was my current reality. I was trauma bonded and facing continuous trauma for years, with a gap of two years peace then another year of trauma. I have now been free from trauma for two years and I am the happiest version of myself. Although a lot of my trauma came from people who I thought cared for me, I never hated on them for that. I have had a few passive aggressive comments, such as laughing about the narcissism presented to me but other than that I was never angry at anybody.
My concerns were always placed with myself; it is why I went into isolation because I was ashamed and felt foolish, numb , out of control and so many other feelings. Ashamed that it got so deep within my soul, I know it was never my fault, you love who you love, and you care about what you care about, life just damages us sometimes. Complex post traumatic disorder disabled me, instead of being able to be present I was facing flashbacks, it sent me into a distorted universe often. I was always in control of myself, but I felt out of control with my feelings, but when people were removed it made me isolate and focus on myself, from their and over seven years I healed and I grew.
When I look back now, I only look back and wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t meet certain people, if I was born into a different family what life would be like. If I didn’t move schools, who would I be now, if I didn’t make certain life changes who would I be today. What would life be like if I didn’t experience two decades of abuse in some way. But I never look back and go I hate x, y, or z for what they presented to me. I am not sure why I never held anger so I wanted to look into it, why people do experience anger and how to prevent or release any feelings of anger towards your past.
It is never a nice feeling to embrace anger towards another individual it changes our own cortisol so it is better to just be at peace with yourself and others, understanding your leads of frustration towards an individual can help you feel less anger, instead feeling more peace <3
Psychological Effects of Anger About the Past
Being angry about your past can lead to long-lasting psychological effects, including increased anxiety, depression, and difficulty in forming healthy relationships short-term or long-term. It may also cause individuals to ruminate on past events, which can prevent them from moving forward and coping effectively with their emotions. Meaning that many individuals can tar others with the same brush due to past experiences, there may be a lack of trust or feelings of disloyalty when there is in reality there is no truth in this.
Psychological Effects of Anger About the Past
Anger related to past experiences can significantly impact mental health and overall well-being. Here are some key effects:
Increased Anxiety and Depression
- Anxiety: Lingering anger can heighten feelings of anxiety, making individuals more sensitive to common stressors.
- Depression: Unresolved anger often leads to feelings of hopelessness and sadness due to the lack of resolve, contributing to depressive symptoms.
Difficulty in Relationships
- Trust Issues: Anger from past experiences can create barriers to trusting others, affecting personal and professional relationships.
- Conflict: Individuals may find themselves in frequent conflicts due to unresolved anger, leading to isolation from friends and family.
Rumination
- Persistent Thoughts: Anger can cause individuals to dwell on past events, preventing them from moving forward.
- Negative Cycle: This rumination can reinforce negative emotions, making it harder to cope with current situations.
Impaired Emotional Regulation
- Difficulty Managing Emotions: Anger can impair one’s ability to process emotions effectively, leading to outbursts or emotional numbness.
- Triggers: Past anger can create triggers that evoke strong emotional responses in seemingly unrelated situations.
Long-Term Psychological Impact
- Chronic Stress: Ongoing anger can lead to chronic stress, which has various negative health implications.
- Mental Health Disorders: Prolonged anger may contribute to the development of mental health conditions such as PTSD, anxiety disorders, or depression.
How to reduce anger for past events
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
- Recognize and accept your anger instead of suppressing it.
- Understand that it’s normal to feel angry about past events.
2. Express Your Emotions
- Talk to someone you trust, such as family, a friend or therapist, about your feelings.
- Consider joining a support group where you can share your experiences.
3. Engage in Physical Activity
- Exercise can help release built-up tension and improve your mood.
- Activities like running, walking, or yoga are particularly effective.
4. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques
- Mindfulness can help you stay present and reduce ruminating thoughts about the past.
- Techniques such as deep breathing or meditation can calm your mind.
5. Set Small Goals for Healing
- Focus on manageable steps to address your feelings.
- Avoid overwhelming yourself by trying to resolve everything at once.
6. Seek Professional Help
- If your anger feels unmanageable, consider speaking with a therapist.
- They can provide tailored strategies and support for your situation.
Understanding these effects and pathways on how to reduce these feelings, is crucial for addressing anger related to the past and seeking appropriate support or therapy to foster healing and emotional well-being. If you are struggling with regulating emotions from your past please seek support or you can contact me danielle@suicideapuk.co.uk for any advice or signposting information. Many times our past shapes who we are today, many experiences a lot of people never endure, so a reminder to be proud of yourself for making it through, we can grow from here now 🙂
Thankyou for reading,
All my peace and love <3
Danielle x